Tuesday, April 9, 2019
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Darkness and Light
It is in darkness that light makes such a big impact! as the sea recedes and swells and increases in height.. the land mass seemingly grows..... while another power and force also grows and comes crashing back, taking even more land with its blows..>
It is the nature of things to ebb and flow, Wax and Wane, die back and sprout new growth,... for leaves to fall and new buds to grow, for cocoons to bust out with plump fullness and for fragile butterfly wings to break forth, for pregnant mommies to rub their bellies with wonder and for new born babies to scream and hurl, there is a time for overwhelmed discouragement and a time for amazing ahh,,
extreme hurt and then no memory of the pain of the process but a feeling of blessing and accomplishment for all the learning on the way and the making it through..
There is the pain of the practice, the long hours trying to get it right, the blows and the return to the blows, over and over and over until you get just the right jab, just the right tackle, just the right run, just the right goal, just the right push to deliver that baby. It is all relevant, all the steps are necessary all the pain is needed, all the time, all the effort.. there is something to it.
There is balance though we don't always see it. We like smooth sailing.. we like cruising, we like peace, perfect temperatures and calm.. but it is in the rush of danger that we all join together, it is in the woes that our adrenaline flows and ideas for action come together and amazing things happen.
I see a spiritual battle for good and evil, dark and light, ying and yang,.. as the powers of destruction wager in, the power of healing and light strikes back... like the ebbs and flows, waxing and waning.. I see in this battle (and sometimes it is more comforting to think of it as a game)... Woes and wonders ~ my life.. I see the brokenness and the mistakes eating away at the core of the goal of family unity and successful living at home.. but with each blow is an opportunity to grow and learn more tools to build up and strengthen this very same family.
In comes infidelity like a hurricane out go the troops, the congregations, the family members, the people who care.. in prayer first ministering to the core and the heart of the hurt and how traps common to man occur. We are not alone in this phenomenon, it is not just my husband and his sin, it is my sin, your sin, sins sin, hidden sin, some don't expose their own and admit it.. cause it is far easier and more cowardly to be a bully and peck on those who seem weak now.. but in reality.. we all have fallen short in one way or another and through it all we can build an understanding and ability to relate or we can just hate.. It is a choice..
We can practice hard and play the game, or we can sit on the sidelines and complain.. It is our choice. I choose to play some games.. and practice going back and trying new game plans, taking the blows, nursing the wounds, cause I want to win some games.. I want to win the championship, I want to sit on my porch swing in the end half blind with all the memories of the breakthroughs and the defeats. I want love to prevail. I want the victory in the end of sticking by a friend through thick and thin.. In sickness and in health.. through injustice and through governors pardons, I like the victories and the defeats, I see the beauty in all the journey.
I like the moon lit night and the suns morning rise, I like the thrill of a storm and thunder and lightening in the skys.. I like the warm and the calm of sun beating upon my breast and I love the splash of cold fresh plunges of water raging on my chest..
You know I love peoples hearts even when they cant spell, I love the dreams of the mentally ill, I love the love the light and the innocent laughter in the down syndromes eyes.. but I don't love the labels.. I don't love us and them, black and white, separations in people. I don't love hatred. I don't love cruelty. I don't love picking on each other, I don't love hurtful attacks and injustice.. it makes me want to fight, I don't love the destruction of drugs, the root of evil, the loss of care, I don't love how good looks, status and money can change an adorable child into a rotten selfish brat.. I don't like seeing what God intended for good turning to evil.
I like to see break through.. I like seeing captives set free, I like seeing victories. I like seeing the Germans losing the war, American troops coming in and moms escaping death and children being reunited with them.
I hate that good men die but I love the things their hearts lived for .. their families. The family of man. I love the laughter they bring and the songs they sing and the silly things they do to express their love and keep things light.. I appreciate the sacrifices they have made to give us life.
I love my dad and all of his hard work. I love that his dreams have come true.. I don't like it that he is hurting and our lives are fragmented and that we cant be together as we had dreamt to savor the years and look back and see how we made it together and we are all on the same team.. some battles have yet to be won.. there are more risings and settings of the sun.. I feel one coming on now as la madruga breaks forth into a new day..
Darkness turns to light.. and children you held as a nanny now fly up in the heavens on their jet rides..
It is an amazing thing, this life! Even with the spellign errors :) mistakes unfixed, run on sentences and lack of spaces and paragraphs, it is a mess but I love it! I love this life and I love you. That is all I can do.. it is how I am made.. I feel blessed in this journey.
Through these woes we have come this far.. you and me.. all of us. It is meant to be.
I pray for break throughs. I pray we continue to win. Love is the key. Wisdom understanding and growth.. they will come if we seek them..
I have faith that one day my family will be reunited. I have faith that we will heal. And what is meant to be will be revealed...
My family of man.. No color, no religion, no status, no race, no measure, no sex, and the needle bounces across the record like a rappers exclamation.. don't take away the sex.. yes I know.. it is not us and them.. it is us in them.. united making love stuff is good but rageful selfish blasting away at each other hurts..
We can relate in love if we try.. and now as you can see the sleep depravation is showing and I must get a few more winks and some devotions.. I love you all and these are my emotions.. and a song comes to mind.. ahh.. I love life! Good morning and goodnight... ~ Shelli Toftemark Smith Written January 19th as darkness turned to light.. it is now 7:55 am pacific time.. not sure whose standards :) 2011
Thank you also to Amanda and Yvonne for the healing hugs! Your warmth means the world to me..
It is the nature of things to ebb and flow, Wax and Wane, die back and sprout new growth,... for leaves to fall and new buds to grow, for cocoons to bust out with plump fullness and for fragile butterfly wings to break forth, for pregnant mommies to rub their bellies with wonder and for new born babies to scream and hurl, there is a time for overwhelmed discouragement and a time for amazing ahh,,
extreme hurt and then no memory of the pain of the process but a feeling of blessing and accomplishment for all the learning on the way and the making it through..
There is the pain of the practice, the long hours trying to get it right, the blows and the return to the blows, over and over and over until you get just the right jab, just the right tackle, just the right run, just the right goal, just the right push to deliver that baby. It is all relevant, all the steps are necessary all the pain is needed, all the time, all the effort.. there is something to it.
There is balance though we don't always see it. We like smooth sailing.. we like cruising, we like peace, perfect temperatures and calm.. but it is in the rush of danger that we all join together, it is in the woes that our adrenaline flows and ideas for action come together and amazing things happen.
I see a spiritual battle for good and evil, dark and light, ying and yang,.. as the powers of destruction wager in, the power of healing and light strikes back... like the ebbs and flows, waxing and waning.. I see in this battle (and sometimes it is more comforting to think of it as a game)... Woes and wonders ~ my life.. I see the brokenness and the mistakes eating away at the core of the goal of family unity and successful living at home.. but with each blow is an opportunity to grow and learn more tools to build up and strengthen this very same family.
In comes infidelity like a hurricane out go the troops, the congregations, the family members, the people who care.. in prayer first ministering to the core and the heart of the hurt and how traps common to man occur. We are not alone in this phenomenon, it is not just my husband and his sin, it is my sin, your sin, sins sin, hidden sin, some don't expose their own and admit it.. cause it is far easier and more cowardly to be a bully and peck on those who seem weak now.. but in reality.. we all have fallen short in one way or another and through it all we can build an understanding and ability to relate or we can just hate.. It is a choice..
We can practice hard and play the game, or we can sit on the sidelines and complain.. It is our choice. I choose to play some games.. and practice going back and trying new game plans, taking the blows, nursing the wounds, cause I want to win some games.. I want to win the championship, I want to sit on my porch swing in the end half blind with all the memories of the breakthroughs and the defeats. I want love to prevail. I want the victory in the end of sticking by a friend through thick and thin.. In sickness and in health.. through injustice and through governors pardons, I like the victories and the defeats, I see the beauty in all the journey.
I like the moon lit night and the suns morning rise, I like the thrill of a storm and thunder and lightening in the skys.. I like the warm and the calm of sun beating upon my breast and I love the splash of cold fresh plunges of water raging on my chest..
You know I love peoples hearts even when they cant spell, I love the dreams of the mentally ill, I love the love the light and the innocent laughter in the down syndromes eyes.. but I don't love the labels.. I don't love us and them, black and white, separations in people. I don't love hatred. I don't love cruelty. I don't love picking on each other, I don't love hurtful attacks and injustice.. it makes me want to fight, I don't love the destruction of drugs, the root of evil, the loss of care, I don't love how good looks, status and money can change an adorable child into a rotten selfish brat.. I don't like seeing what God intended for good turning to evil.
I like to see break through.. I like seeing captives set free, I like seeing victories. I like seeing the Germans losing the war, American troops coming in and moms escaping death and children being reunited with them.
I hate that good men die but I love the things their hearts lived for .. their families. The family of man. I love the laughter they bring and the songs they sing and the silly things they do to express their love and keep things light.. I appreciate the sacrifices they have made to give us life.
I love my dad and all of his hard work. I love that his dreams have come true.. I don't like it that he is hurting and our lives are fragmented and that we cant be together as we had dreamt to savor the years and look back and see how we made it together and we are all on the same team.. some battles have yet to be won.. there are more risings and settings of the sun.. I feel one coming on now as la madruga breaks forth into a new day..
Darkness turns to light.. and children you held as a nanny now fly up in the heavens on their jet rides..
It is an amazing thing, this life! Even with the spellign errors :) mistakes unfixed, run on sentences and lack of spaces and paragraphs, it is a mess but I love it! I love this life and I love you. That is all I can do.. it is how I am made.. I feel blessed in this journey.
Through these woes we have come this far.. you and me.. all of us. It is meant to be.
I pray for break throughs. I pray we continue to win. Love is the key. Wisdom understanding and growth.. they will come if we seek them..
I have faith that one day my family will be reunited. I have faith that we will heal. And what is meant to be will be revealed...
My family of man.. No color, no religion, no status, no race, no measure, no sex, and the needle bounces across the record like a rappers exclamation.. don't take away the sex.. yes I know.. it is not us and them.. it is us in them.. united making love stuff is good but rageful selfish blasting away at each other hurts..
We can relate in love if we try.. and now as you can see the sleep depravation is showing and I must get a few more winks and some devotions.. I love you all and these are my emotions.. and a song comes to mind.. ahh.. I love life! Good morning and goodnight... ~ Shelli Toftemark Smith Written January 19th as darkness turned to light.. it is now 7:55 am pacific time.. not sure whose standards :) 2011
Thank you also to Amanda and Yvonne for the healing hugs! Your warmth means the world to me..
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